Self-Esteem

by Robert Elias Najemy


The goal of improved self-esteem or feelings of self-worth requires a methodical and dedicated process.

We must first determine our main obstacles towards accepting and loving ourselves just as we are and towards feeling that we deserve a good, healthy and happy life.

Below you will find some possible obstacles.

In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth, self- esteem or self-acceptance?

A. Social programming - illusion

1. When others criticize or reject you. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when others accept and love me.)

2. When others are more able than you at certain tasks or more endowed with certain qualities. (i.e. Intelligence, wealth, home, appearance, artistic ability, speech, sports, cooking, professional success, their children?s success, being attractive to the opposite sex, making friends, disciplines, "spiritual" activities.) (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only I am better than others are concerning _______)
a. How do you feel about self?
b. How do you feel towards them?

3. When you have made a mistake.( Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I do not make mistakes)

4. When you do not have the results you believe you should have after some effort.(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I succeed/ when others recognize my success.)

5. When others attract more attention, esteem and respect in a group situation. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I am more important that others to others)

6. When you do not have someone who loves you exclusively, in ways in which he or she does not love anyone else. (Belief: I am worthy only when I have someone who loves me exclusively)

7. When you are not perfect. (perfect house, perfect appearance, never make mistakes)

8. When you do not get many things done in one day (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I do and accomplish much)

9. When you are not strong or when you show weakness. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I am strong and show no weakness)

10. When others:
a. Do not agree or
b. Are not satisfied with you (parents, spouse). (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when others agree with me and are satisfied with me.)

11. When others ask you for help and you do not say "yes". Or do not respond. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when I say yes and will lose their love if I say no)

12. When others have offered more to you than you have offered to them. (Belief: He who gives is worthier than he who receives)

13. When people do not trust you or confide in you. (Belief: I am worthy and pure only if others trust me)

14. When people lie to you or use you or laugh at you. (Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only if I am respected and I lose my self-worth when others do not behave properly to me.)

15. When others are able to manipulate you or are not as conscientious as you . (Belief: I lose my self worth when I work more than others or when I work for them, without receiving back what I should.)

16. Because you are born female in a culture which gives more importance to males.

17. Because your parents did not want a child and you felt that you were a burden on them.

Other _______________________________

B. Matter of conscience -

***18. When you have "created" pain for others. (Belief: I am evil if I others have experienced pain through me.)

***19. When you are not in harmony with your conscience. (Belief: I am not a good person and not worthy of love when I do anything which is not in harmony with my conscience.)

*** Other _______________________________

*** Note: These require a different process - Forgiving and loving does not mean that we allow ourselves to do whatever we want, even it is unjust or unethical. We need to recognize our inherent spiritual nature, but at the same time seek to align ourselves with our highest values and ethics
This should be done steadfastly but also with as much love and understanding towards ourselves as possible.

Removing the Obstacle

Having determined our impediments towards feeling self-esteem in certain situations, we can then chose the first obstacle we want to work with. Best to work with the one, which is most intense and bothersome.

It is very likely that this work will bring us in touch with childhood traumas or experiences which have programmed us in this way and which will need to be transformed in our minds.

Having chosen the first obstacle we want to work with we can move on towards removing it.

A. Analyzing what we believe which causes us to lose our self-esteem and transform that belief.
B. Discovering our childhood experiences, which have conditioned us to feel that way and transform our childhood interpretation of those experiences. (For this we might find professional help through regressions, rebirthing, EMDR, TFT and EFT.)
C. We can use positive affirmations, which will allow us to accept and love ourselves as we are at this stage of our evolutionary process.
D. We can keep a high level of energy by eating healthily, exercising and / or dancing regularly, as well as by regular breathing exercises.
E. A realization of our inherent spiritual nature can help us accept ourselves as we are at this stage of our evolutionary process.
F. Just as we accept some others with their weakness, we need to understand and accept ourselves in the same way
G. We can correct the disturbed energy field, which is creating these feelings. This is possible through new methods of "Energy Psychology" based on Dr. Callahan?s Thought Field Therapy. (A simplified version can be found at http://www.emofree.com) (Once you learn how to perform the technique you can learn to employ it towards various goals at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp

Some helpful Affirmations might be the following. You will notice that the affirmations first seek to allow us to understand, accept and love ourselves exactly as we are with our negative emotions and then declare our choice to be free from them. We might need to work with various aspects in order to get totally free.

In the case of false social programming or false conclusions from childhood or traumatic experiences, we can use these affirmations.

A. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______ (perhaps guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when./ because _____ (reason), I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

Matters of Conscience

In the case of matters of conscience we will first want to employ the upper affirmations in order to accept and love ourselves as souls in an evolutionary process exactly as we are, even with our mistakes and egoism.

Then, however, we will want also to discover the emotions, needs and beliefs which have caused us to behave in ways which we would prefer not to and would not like other to do to us.

Once we discover which fears or pain are causing us to act in these ways, then we can employ the same above mention methods to get free from them.

A. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______ (perhaps fear, anger, guilt, pain, injustice, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthy, belittled, demeaned) when./ because _____ (reason), I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

One By One

In this way we can remove all obstacles towards self-esteem one by one as we begin to gradually notice that we are not as vulnerable as before. We accept ourselves more. We do not feel hurt and do not misinterpret others so easily. We speak more honestly expressing our needs and feelings. We love more easily and steadily. We are more comfortable with ourselves and others.

Below you will find some useful affirmations concerning self-worth

POSITIVE THOUGHT FORMS -
BELIEFS CONCERNING SELF WORTH

We have been programmed by childhood experiences to doubt our self-worth and identify it with superficial aspects of our being. The following affirmations will be useful for reestablishing contact with our true ?and-always-worthy-of-love-and-respect divine nature.

1. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of others? opinions or behavior.

2. My self worth is totally independent of how I compare to others.

3. My self worth is totally independent of any external factors such as: intelligence, wealth, appearance, talents, professional success, my children?s success, my home, being attractive to the opposite sex, making friends, disciplines, "spiritual" activities.

4. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of the results of my efforts.

5. I am worthy and lovable even when others are being given more attention. I am happy for others when they receive love and attention.

6. My self-worth is within me and totally independent of whether I am loved exclusively by someone one or not.

7. I am worthy of love and respect even when I am not perfect in what I do and even when I make mistakes.

8. My self-worth is totally independent of how much I accomplish.

9. I am worthy of love and respect even when I feel weak or needy.

10. My self-worth is totally independent of whether others agree with me or are satisfied with me.

11. I deserve love and respect even when I need to say "no" and do not respond to what I am asked to do.

12. My self-worth has nothing to do with how much I give or receive.

13. My self-worth is totally independent as to whether some people trust me or open up to me on not.

14. My self-worth is totally independent of how people behave towards me.

15. My self-worth is totally independent of how much others work or how they work or what they believe about me.

16. My self-worth is a reflection of my divine nature and not my gender, religion, social class etc.

17. My self-worth is totally independent of whether others recognize it or how they feel towards me.

18. I accept and love myself as I am with my faults and weaknesses as I steadily and methodically evolve out of them.

19. I deserve to be loved and respected exactly as I am at this stage of my evolutionary process.

20. I am beautiful exactly as I am - just as all aspects of nature.

21. I am a good person, a worthy person.

22. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of how others behave towards me.

23. I respect and love all persons (especially my parents and family) without feeling any need whatsoever to live my life according to their beliefs or values. I live my life in harmony with my inner values and beliefs.

24. My self worth is based on my inner being, my existence itself, and my inner divine nature and on no other external factors.

25. My self-worth is a simple function of the fact that I, as all others creatures, am a unique aspect of divine creation. My self-worth cannot be increased nor decreased. I can never be more or less worthy of love and respect than another.

26. Although I am not perfect and have various faults, I deserve to be loved and respected as I am, just I as I love and respect others with their faults.

27. When I do not love myself, I am not loving an aspect of divine creation.

28. I often accept in others traits, which I reject in my self. Why?

29. I am in a process of evolution and am attending to that process.

30. I am an expression of Divine Consciousness in matter.



If we care for our bodies and minds, they will care for us.
Be Well
**********
***** Reference Box for Publishers *****
************************************
(Robert Elias Najemy's recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/holisticharmo-20
and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html .
His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.)
******** **********
View other Health Issues
**********
Return to index of shorter articles
**********
"The Psychology of Happiness"
by Robert Najemy is available at Amazon.com at:
Amazon.com


Or you can get it at a 40% discount at
The Psychology of Happiness with 40% discount
View Only
View The Psychology of Happiness
*********

Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.
Become a Member
*********
Our Free ezine Clarity
brings biweekly to your home an abundance of articles and special offers which enable you to
greater health, happiness and harmonious relationships.
Subscribe to Clarity - Free
Click below
Free subscription


May you be well on all levels of your being.

What is Life Coaching Anyway?

By Christopher Jon Luke Dowgin

So you still may ask, what is a life coach? Which is one of the reasons why I am writing this article..To me a life coach is the return of that buddy in the village, town, tribe, or clan that studied the medicine, herbs, lore, history, art, psychology, politics, semantics, behavior, mythology, and religion of the world that is at his hands to heal you so the coach can benefit from your labors in your chosen trade as well. Either you call Them Priest, Rabbi, Shaman, Sufi, Pastor, Druid, High Priestess, Reverend Mother, or Life Coach; it is all the same. But the best part of a life coach to me is telling and listening to stories around the camp fire!

When Your car is broken, you see the Mechanic. When you need help straightening the stuff flying through your mind, you see a life coach. Each an equal trade with tradesmen who took the time to specialize something so you can do the same in your career. All equal, all one. Bring the marshmallows.

How Does a Life Coach Work?

A Life Coach is some one that pulls various teaching principles together from history and various cultures to help you grow in a healthy holistic manner. After accessing your past, your becoming, and your skuld, or should be. A humanistic market analysis, but the analysand is you

How does this happen; very safe, serene, open, and nonjudgmental manner. Where do we meet; where we were suppose to meet all along. Which we did, or will. In your own personal comfort center, which is? Since we live on the surface of a globe, where the center is everywhere, your center is wherever you choose. I will travel to that point, no matter where it is.

Who shall we meet on our journey? You, yourself, the other you, and 3H, S.M.O.G., and Joe Smith. The person I usually meet within you first is 4H; Happy, Hear Anything, Honest, Hell of a Guy. When you are in this mood you will tell me anything without fear of shame, you trust me, you are fun, and truthful. In this mood your sins are true to its meaning; old Scythian archery term for missing your mark.

When we venture down the paths of your life and read the road maps of your future journeys; sometimes we hit potholes and road blocks. At these times we become like that guy who is arguing with his wife who needs not to ask for directions. Who has the kids in the back seat pulling pig tails and going through the “are we there yet routine!”. This is S.M.O.G.; Sensitive, Moody, offensive, and Grumpy. The four dwarfs. We can listen to him for awhile, which this mood will appreciate; for it is the little bigger brother of Joe Smith who picks the fight and leaves the four dwarfs known as S.M.O.G to take care of his battles. He likes to air out all of Joe’s dirty laundry, and some times he likes to trick you into believing its mine.

Now Joe Smith is a man who likes hats and masquerades, but hates Halloween. Joe Smith can where the hard hat, fireman hat, Fedora, and policemen’s hat. Which sometimes and sometimes not changes when he gets home; like Mr. Rogers changes his shoes and sweater. Joe Smith is your average mood that remains as long as you are calm. Even keel, paced (good or bad), content at the moment, and base line. Joe Smith should be an equal amount of King, hero, dreamer, and magician. The king coordinates and decides the actions to take. The magician creates the tools and gathers the information to accomplish those goals. The dreamer is the romantic that has the inspiration and love of life that influences the kings desires. The hero is the one who turns the dreamers desires into aspiration through the use of the magicians knowledge and tools to follow the King’s orders. Ancient Jews believed God had four parts or positions made in the universe. He, God, was responsible for the idea, the Archangels the planning and diagrams, Angels the manufacturing and transportation, and Us the consumer and the end user. The President, Designers, craftsmen, and final consumer or the one who applies the idea. You are the one who gets to eat the ice cream cone. Also Joe Smith can either talk to others as a parent, a child, or another equal adult. But he will never talk to Mr. S.M.O.G. And the Dwarfs. When S.M.O.G. Comes out to play, Joe disappears and hides in some little corner in the brain and sits up from the floor covered in ju ju bees occasionally only to duck back down when Frankenstein is still on the screen. He disappears on regular frequency over a period of hours, days, weeks or month for S.M.O.G. To deal with all the stuff it does not want or can not face. Joe does not even admit S.M.O.G. exists in the unhealthy Smith. When this happens he at times is no better than Mr. Smith from the Matrix or the sleeper in the pod. Victim/aggressor or Aggressor/victim. “Who is the slayer, who is the victim, speak...” When the King, Hero, Magician, and Dreamer are balanced and happy we are (add your name here).

Now with some people I can access any of these people in you. With some when S.M.O.G. Appears, I can get 4H to show up by slapping ones nose lightly or tapping another’s forehead. The dilation and brightness of the eye will show the switch along with the mood change. But Joe Smith is the hardest to bring out at times. For him the only person that can access him is a little child.

The last personality is one Joe Smith uses as a fair weather friend when it suites or prospers him; 3H. 3H is Hedonistic, Hellenistic, and hung over. He promises the instant fix, the cure of the symptoms, and the reprications 3H grabs the bottle to forget about your problems. He is the trust me guy. He is Willie E coyote who keeps following his stomach even after the 400th time he falls off the cliff. He is the one leads us into the drunk cell or screams when the sun creaks in the window in the morning. He is the one who keeps the sleeper in his pod tuned out on t.V. He keeps us at work so we do not have to face our fear of self decision and direction. He finds it easier for others tell him what to do, so he can secretly do something contrary.

A Life Coach is a person who can get all these moods or personalities inside you to come to the table and ratify a treaty for prosperity, health, and happiness of your true Self. To introduce you once again to that little child within you and let him fly and grow up finally. So you can truly save your parents and raise healthy children of your own so our society will never vote another Bush or his like in office again. Or vote any one in to do anything we should be doing ourselves.

Come read other articles like this one at TheGuide or learn about an old cantankerous old man in the 20's and the pond he created. Come join the lifestyle @ Docspond

Christopher Jon Luke Dowgin has been a life coach for twenty years counseling people and propietor of his own Artistic company Norgeforge.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/