Be That Friend

by Marnie Pehrson

Have you ever felt like you were all alone? That nothing in your life seemed right and there was no light at the end of the tunnel? Those who face serious illness, financial setbacks, loss of loved ones, or even roadblocks in trying to achieve their goals and dreams often feel totally alone in their darkest hour.
Usually, I write about ways that we can help ourselves through challenges like this - like calling upon God, having faith, reframing the situation, looking for the silver lining, and basically hanging on until the light comes. But today, I'd like to talk about what you can do when you have a friend or loved one who is going through these types of challenges. How can you be there to support them and back them up?

Listen to them

Sometimes all you need in your most challenging moments is a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Really listen to your friend or loved one. Ask them questions to help them verbalize and think through solutions to their problems. If you listen carefully, you can often find the root of the problem. By asking the right questions and letting them talk it through, they'll be able to discover their own solutions. My strategist/coach, Jenette Zubero whom I fondly refer to as the Question Lady, has taught me the power of the interrogative statement. She says, 'I never give advice; even if a client asks for it. This may sound stringent, but I believe that giving advice is a huge disservice to my clients. I believe that clients can find their own answers and that when they find the answer, it will be infinitely better than any advice I could have given.'

Empathize

Although you may have never experienced the exact problem your friend or loved one is experiencing, you most likely have endured something similar. Your friend may be having doubts about decisions they've made. Your friend may have started a business that isn't taking off, and this could be causing a lot of stress for them. Even if you've never had your own business, you may still have experienced similar moments in your life where you doubted yourself, doubted your decisions, and even doubted your own self-worth. You can draw upon those feelings you had in your challenges to help your friend know that you understand the feelings and emotions that they are having. If you can't relate to their problem at all, find someone who can, and talk to them about the feelings that are associated with this type of challenge and how they worked through it so you can better understand and support your friend.

It helps to know that you're not alone -- that there is someone out there who understands your pain, that you have a shoulder to cry on, and that the feelings you have are perfectly normal.

Give 'em a little push

A friend of mine told me recently that the bigger the challenge or problem you're pushing against in your life, the more you need someone behind you pushing you along. In other words, when you're trying to move a heavy rock, it sure helps to have an extra set of arms and shoulders to bear the load. From your objective point of view, you may be able to see answers that your friend is too close to see. In a loving, but firm way, you can give them insights into their challenges so that they can have more options for solutions. You can give them the strength to keep on going and never give up.

One word of caution, you do need to be careful when you push people that you don't overdo it. You can't beat people over the head with a club to get them to see their solutions; you'll only knock them senseless. It is always darkest before the dawn, and it is in the moment of your greatest darkness that you want to give up, lose confidence and quit. It sure helps to have a friend who gently, yet firmly gives you the nudge you need to proceed into the light.

Inspire them

I would dare say that every challenge that we face in life could be overcome with faith. Faith that tomorrow will be a brighter day, faith that this too shall pass. Stay in contact with your struggling friend. Call them just to see how they are doing, pick them up and take them to lunch. Send them inspiring quotes, notes, or cards to give them little packets of sunlight to brighten their way. Even one small star in the night can help to light someone's way.

Love them unconditionally

Love them for who they are as well as for who they can become. I think the truest friend is one who knows your potential, who sees all the great things in you, and gives you the strength, courage and vision to reach your full potential. A true friend doesn't belittle you or love you any less for your shortcomings, but points out your strengths and helps you work to overcome your weaknesses. A true friend leaves you better than they found you.

There is nothing so rewarding as helping a friend to the light. I challenge each of us to reach out to those around us. Instead of saying, 'Oh, that's too bad' when someone has a problem, actually do something about it! Be there for them, help them, love them, inspire them and get behind that load and push. Don't be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing; just be there for them. As I told a friend the other day, we're not living on an episode of Touched by an Angel here. God isn't going to send Monica in a glow of light, but he does send friends who love us to let us know we are not alone. Be that angel to those around you, and not only will they be strengthened, but also your life will never be the same again.


Keywords: friendship, caring, love, family, friends, hope, faith, adversity, challenges, motivation, inspirati

About the Author
Marnie Pehrson, Ringgold, GA, USA
marnie@pwgroup.com
Learn more about friendship
Marnie Pehrson is an author, creator of www.IdeaMarketers.com, www.LocateACoach.com , www.SheLovesGod.com , www.BelieversAtWork.com and more. She is the author of inspirational books like Lord, Are You Sure? and historical fiction such as The Patriot Wore Petticoats. She also helps people earn money from home. For more information on her projects, visit http://www.pwgroup.com .

A Metaphor For Change - The Egg

by: Silvia Hartmann

There is nothing more certain in the world and in this life than CHANGE. No matter what people might think or what they might try to believe, everything is changing all the time, as we breathe in and out, as we eat and sleep and grow and go through our own spirals of unfoldment.

So here is a simple metaphor for change. It is called “The Egg” and I hope you enjoy it.

I often have this feeling of stress and desperation because I am quite convinced nothing has changed.

I look around myself and all I see is what I always see.

Same house, same furniture, same pile of bills, same everything.

I work so hard and NOTHING is changing.

I thought that again about something the other day, and this large, beautiful golden egg came to my mind.

There it is, and it just sits there in its nest of straw.

It doesn't DO anything.

It doesn't change shape, it doesn't change colour.

It doesn't pulsate. It doesn't roll around.

You could look at it for DAYS AND DAYS and you'd come away thinking that it was just that and there was NOTHING GOING ON.

And yet, and if one was to extend one's feelers in a different way, one might become aware of the RIOT OF CHANGE that is taking place INSIDE the egg, a storm of re-organisation, feeding and growth, of total unfoldment as a bunch of random cells become a fish thing, which in turn becomes ever more defined and more complex, more organised in every way, more mature, more fantastic with every heartbeat, every breath that passes.

One day, and we know not when, the egg that lay so motionless for so very long and seemed to be nothing but an inert shape will begin to rock, and then it will crack, and the newly born dragonet will emerge, spread its wings for the first time and take its first small steps.

Yes, there was change.

Even if we thought there wasn't.


About the Author: Free Meditation MP3s and a Free Energy Hypnosis Ebook "Our Dimensions" by Lady Hypnotist Silvia Hartmann can be found on http://HypnoDreams.org
Source: www.isnare.com

Happiness Vs Pleasure

by: Margaret Paul Posted: March 29 2005

We are a pleasure seeking society. Most of us spend our energy seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. We hope that by doing this, we will feel happy. Yet deep, abiding happiness and joy elude so many people.

There is a huge difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure is a momentary feeling that comes from something external – a good meal, our stock going up, making love, and so on. Pleasure has to do with the positive experiences of our senses, and with good things happening. Pleasurable experiences can give us momentary feelings of happiness, but this happiness does not last long because it is dependent upon external events and experiences. We have to keep on having the good experiences – more food, more drugs or alcohol, more money, more sex, more things – in order to feel pleasure. As a result, many people become addicted to these external experiences, needing more and more to feel a short-lived feeling of happiness.

Thomas sought my counseling services because he “had everything” – his own successful business, a lovely wife and children, a beautiful home, and time to enjoy life. Yet he was not happy. While he had momentary feelings of happiness while watching a ball game or socializing with his friends, he also felt anxious and depressed much of the time. In fact, the anxiety had become so bad that he was having almost constant stomach pain, which his doctor told him was from stress.

As we worked together, it became apparent that Thomas’s main desire in life was to have control over people and events. He wanted others to do things his way and to believe the way he believed. He was frequently judgmental with his employees, wife, children and friends, believing that he was right and they were wrong and it was his job to straighten them out with his judgment and criticism. His energy would become hard and tough and he would be like a steamroller in his efforts to get his point across and get others to do things his way. When it worked and others gave in, Thomas felt a momentary pang of pleasure. But the pain in his stomach kept getting worse and worse, which is why he decided to consult with me.

Thomas also wanted control over his own feelings, and would often judge himself as harshly as he judged others in an effort to get himself to perform well and feel okay. He especially judged himself harshly when he felt rejected by others, frequently telling himself that he was an inadequate jerk.

As we worked together, Thomas began to see that happiness is the result of choosing to be a kind, caring, compassionate and gentle person with himself and others – quite the opposite of the judgmental, controlling person he had chosen to be. Thomas learned that happiness is the natural result of being present in each moment with love and kindness toward himself and others, rather than with being attached to the outcome of things and trying to control the outcome regarding events and others’ behavior. He discovered that he felt deep joy whenever he let go of control and chose caring instead. The anxiety in his stomach went away whenever his intention was to be a kind and caring person rather than a controlling one.

It is not easy to shift out of the deep devotion to control and become devoted to love and compassion toward oneself and others. Our ego wounded self has been practicing control since we were very little. Yet the moment our intent is to control, our heart closes and we feel alone and anxious inside. Our intent to seek safety and pleasure through controlling others, outcomes, and our own feelings leads to an inner feeling of abandonment and emptiness. We abandon ourselves when we are trying to control our feelings rather than be kind and compassionate with ourselves. Our anxiety and feelings of emptiness lead to more seeking outside ourselves to fill up with pleasurable experiences. The momentary pleasure leads to addictive behavior.

When the intent shifts out of controlling and not being controlled to becoming loving to ourselves and others, the heart opens and joy is the result. Deep and abiding happiness and joy are the natural result of operating out of the spiritual values of caring, compassion and kindness.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com . Phone sessions available.(c) Margaret Paul, Ph.D., 2004.

7 Hot Tips For Self Improvement Part 2

By: Beth Scott

Self Improvement Tip 4
Don't procrastinate! The more you put something off and something else off, the more all your undesirable chores pile up.

Until they're an insurmountable task that would make a paid cleaning crew shudder. In fact take these chores and work them into your schedule so you will do them.

Self Improvement Tip 5
If you don't already keep either a schedule or make yourself a to-do list each night, this is your cue to start.

A to-do list helps you with get things done because it gives you a urgency "must do this today" attitude.

It will also help you remember things that you might have otherwise forgotten. You can put things on them that you're afraid of forgetting, or want to make sure you make time for.

Self Improvement Tip 6
This is by far the most important self improvement tip I could give you. Forgive and Forget.

Either imagined or real slights should always be forgiven. To forget them is to not dwell on them and not remember the angry feelings if you ever look back on that moment.

Let me just tell you this: Holding a grudge will not hurt the begrudged as much as it will hurt you and your personality. As well as your existing relationships.

If there are any ancient or recent rifts or fights between you and a relative, friend, or spouse that are hurting your relationship or have ended it entirely, make amends.

This life is the only life you get, we'll never know when it'll be our or the begrudged person's time to die, and by then it will be too late to say "I'm Sorry".

So pick up the phone or walk up to that person and apologize, even if it wasn't your fault. This may be the last chance you'll get to make amends.

You will be surprised at the feeling you'll get after fixing things up between you. As if a burden has been lifted off your shoulders. This is definitely a step towards self improvement.

Self Improvement Tip 7
Do something kind for someone else. Today!
Not just on a birthday or anniversary, but spontaneously.

Buy a rose or other flower for a friend and tell them it's just "because". Because they mean a lot to you, and because you care for them.

Tell your family and friends that you love them. Offer to help a friend with a chore. Babysit for someone you know so they can have a night out.

Help teach a young niece/nephew, son/daughter, brother/sister, etc.... how to read or do some other "grownup" thing.

The list of things you can do is endless, and I'm sure you can procure some ideas of your own on the subject.

Now for your convenience I've summed up all seven self improvement tips:

1. Get up early and jog or watch sunrise

2. Eat breakfast

3. Smile at strangers when you make eye contact

4. Don't procrastinate

5. Keep a schedule or To-Do list

6. Forgive others and Forgive past wrongs

7. Do something for someone else

Remember it's all up to you whether you take these steps in your self improvement plan, but improve it they will.

Be sure you read Part 1 of this article which contains the first 3 self improvement tips.


About the Author: To gain more knowledge on self improvement visit David Rikland's acclaimed self improvement site: http://snipurl.com/8fu1
Source: www.isnare.com

7 Hot Tips For Self Improvement Part 1

By: Beth Scott


Have you ever imagined that life could be a lot better and more fulfilling than yours is right now? Are you eager to learn a self improvement technique that will make it so?

If you are read on.

I am going to lay down 7 simple steps for your self improvement plan. Whether you implement the self improvement steps I give you is your decision alone.

Self Improvement Tip 1
This tip will seem quite obvious and simple to you, but you'll be amazed how few actually take the effort to do it.

Unless you're not a morning person this self improvement tip will drastically change the quality of your day towards the positive.

Setting you in a good mood to face the days challenges and adversities.

Get Up Early!
This may sound more like a way to ruin your day by putting you in an awful mood, but bear with me on this.

To be able to accomplish this and still avoid losing any any precious sleep. You can go to bed just a half hour earlier since to start with you only need to get up a half hour earlier than you usually do.

To aid this purpose you should definitely use an alarm clock with persistent beeping.

You may be wondering by now just what it is that you're supposed to do in this extra half hour when you would normally be dozing peacefully in bed and how this has anything to do with self improvement.

For different people the answer can vary slightly. To start with you need to fully awaken yourself and get rid of early morning sluggishness.

To suit this purpose you can take a cold or slightly cool shower. Or you might try doing stretches combined with deep breathing.

You might skip the shower if just splashing cold water on your face is sufficient to wake you. Use whatever works for you.

After you're completely alert step outside of your house, apartment, etc... And if it's early enough and you have a clear view, watch the sunrise.

This simple but immensely satisfying act will lift your spirits and help with self improvement. If you're unable to do this, take a brisk walk, jog or run depending upon what you prefer and what you're physically capable of.

When you've been out for 20 minutes you can head inside and commence with whatever morning ritual you normally have.

Self Improvement Tip 2
Now this is extremely important but deceitfully obvious. Eat Breakfast.

To start your day out on the right foot and stay in keeping with your self improvement plan this is practically a necessity. You need the energy this will provide you with to accomplish your daily tasks.

If you are overly pressed for time you might try cereal and milk or a few granola bars, even a few pieces of fresh fruit would do.

Any of these are better alternatives than skipping breakfast.

This is also a good suggestion for those watching their weight, because if you skip breakfast you're more likely to binge later in the day. And you certainly won’t be helping your self improvement by gaining unwanted weight.

Self Improvement Tip 3
When you go places, even if you find it a bit difficult at first, smile more at other people. Just curve your lips up a bit as you make eye contact with another human being.

It's really that simple. This will not only lift your spirits as you see a good many people smile back, but it will lift other people's as well. Even the ones who are too shy to smile back.

Be sure to read Part 2 of this article which contains the last 4 tips on self improvement.


About the Author: To gain more knowledge on self improvement visit David Rikland's acclaimed self improvement site: http://snipurl.com/8fu1
Source: www.isnare.com

Positive Thinking And Paradigms

By: Grant Pasay

Positive thinking is a conscious, deliberate action.

For example, positive thinking might look like this: Max decides that every morning he will say to himself, "Every day in every way, I am getting better and better."

In contrast, paradigms are unconscious, automatic thought structures.

For example, Max might have a paradigm that covertly informs him that everything is getting worse and worse, literally falling apart due to the law of entropy that tells us things are getting increasingly chaotic all on their own.

As you can see from the examples above, Max's positive thinking ("getting better and better") is in direct contrast with his paradigm ("getting worse and worse").

What I'm hoping Max understands is that his positive thinking won't achieve its conscious, deliberate goal as long as there's a deeper, unconscious paradigm that stands in opposition.

Let's look at a more detailed example:

Max has always gotten by financially, but he's also always wanted more. Finally growing tired of not having as much cash as he'd like, he deliberately and consciously decides to think the following positive thought: "I am rich."

But Max grew up hearing that rich people are snobs, and that information turned itself into an unconscious paradigm. As a result, whenever Max thinks "I am rich," his unconscious paradigm says, "I hear you, Max, but I also know you don't want to be a snob. So, let's not get rich." And he doesn't. This "hidden" paradigm also explains why he's never gotten rich before this point either -- being rich just doesn't mesh with his money paradigm.

Then positive thinking doesn't work? No. Positive thinking does work.

But when it appears as though positive thinking isn't working, that's the time for Max to see if there isn't an opposing paradigm lurking about in his unconscious. And if he doesn't find any unconscious paradigms right away, no worries, because the positive thinking will help him flush them out, and here's how.

As long as Max chooses positive thoughts that oppose one of his paradigms, he'll feel discomfort. This is understandable, seeing as he has two mutually exclusive messages inside him at the same time. Now, the positive thinking might not appear to be working the magic Max is looking for, but that's because it's first job is to expose and/or weaken any opposing paradigms in its way.

As long as Max keeps up the positive thinking ("I am rich"), his paradigm will resist ("You don't want to be a snob, Max"). As long as his paradigm resists, he'll feel discomfort. It isn't an easy thing to keep doing, but if Max plugs away, and pays attention, he'll eventually see the underlying paradigm that's standing in his way.

He'll remember something his parents told him about rich people being snobs, or a movie he saw where the rich people were snobs. He'll remember promising himself he'd never be like that. Something will leak up from deep down inside, and suddenly his unconscious, automatic paradigm will become exposed -- and vulnerable.

For once we're aware of our paradigms (once we're conscious of them), they can be replaced by -- you guessed it, Max -- the positive thinking.

Sometimes the paradigms instantly and permanently dissolve the moment they move from the unconscious to the conscious. Sometimes it takes years of positive thinking to replace the old thoughts with the new.

Either way, once Max's unconscious, automatic paradigms are exposed by the light of conscious awareness, it's a whole new ball game. And that's when the power of positive thinking really becomes visible.

The things for Max to remember, then, are these:

** If positive thinking doesn't seem to be doing anything, he probably has an unconscious, automatic paradigm that's opposing his positive thoughts.

** If Max has an opposing paradigm, he should keep up the positive thinking while paying attention, knowing it will weaken and/or expose the opposing paradigm, bringing it up from the unconscious.

** Once the paradigm is exposed, it will be far easier (if not effortless) to replace the old paradigm with a new paradigm that is in harmony with the positive thinking.

** And then, well, look out Max!

Copyright (c) Grant Pasay 2005. All rights reserved.


About the Author: Grant Pasay is a writer, musician, moviemaker, and author of the new eBook, "The Internet Is Like A Refrigerator: And Other Weird Comparisons That Make it Easy to Understand Everything From AOL to Zip Files." Check out Grant at: http://grantpasay.com/ Check out Grant's free/brandable ebook at: http://grantpasay.com/refrigerator/


Source: www.isnare.com